Sidewalks: A Metaphor

[nyc streets after new year's eve]

So, the other day, we were discussing the sidewalk & thought of some interesting things... 
I shall preface this with a story: 

When Rachel & I were walking one day, I was talking about this disturbing thing that happened to me at a crosswalk on 42nd St. - a woman was crossing in front of a car that was JUST SO VERY ENTITLED TO TURN LEFT, so naturally he rolls down his window & starts cussing her out - because, you know, he has that right as a horrible human being. (Or - to quote an American classic - as Tom Hanks says in response to Meg Ryan's apology in You've Got Mail, "Whereas I am a horrible person...therefore I have no choice but to be horrible. That's what you're saying.") Well, apparently, that just must be true. So anyway, as he's yelling at this woman, a couple men walk up & start cussing HIM out, so as the natural course of events, this man pulls over in the middle of Times Square & gets out of his car. Well, at this point (in light of a recent Times Square shooting - oh yes, look it up. Our neighborhood news oft makes national headlines.) I decided to run like the wind. So who knows what happened next. But that did not show up on the news, so I can only assume the following interaction was extremely warm and congenial. 

So anyway, Rachel & I began to wonder if anyone has ever done a study on an individual's anger management pre-NYC living & then about 18 months later. While I was unable to find any of these statistics online, I did discover a convenient number of "Anger Management" courses offered in NYC for every age group...so if that's something that interests you, I can direct you to a corresponding Google search ("NYC anger statistics" or "NYC behavior statistics" to name a few).

Although this girl was able to manage her emotions quite
well...i mean, getting her hair stuck in the door of a moving
subway & all. even maintained enough composure to take a selfie.

But later we were discussing this with Patrick, I believe, and realized that the sidewalk was kind of a perfect microcosm of life (for most) in NYC. So essentially, this is what was discussed:

In real and not metaphorical terms, I’d say by about week 3 (who am I kidding…by the end of week 1, if we’re being real) of walking the sidewalks of New York, you kind of get into a rhythm. And the rhythm in its most basic form is mean. It’s just flat out mean. On a more restrained scale, you begin to weave through the 6 inch space between tourists – no matter how alarmed they always are; you walk in the bike lane; you realize that when the “no walking hand” for pedestrians stops blinking, you still have an entire yellow light of time to keep walking; and, most overwhelmingly, you develop an intense spirit of entitlement – of which you are not actually entitled. So, for example, if you turn the corner suddenly and run into a tourist who is simply standing on said corner, you might excessively sigh…but then later realize, why shouldn’t they stand there? They’re holding a map, they’re sad, they’re confused, maybe you should’ve stopped & given them directions. But instead…you sneered. And your sneer - though gratifying - was not technically justifiable.

Also, there’s this concept of merging. You know, like, when you’re merging onto a freeway in an actual car? This principle is SO RELEVANT in sidewalk protocol. When you walk out of the local deli, you better watch for oncoming traffic, and you better speed into an open space. If you merely start walking with the mindset “well, this is a free sidewalk,” you’re wrong. This isn’t a free sidewalk. It is actually owned by everyone else walking the proper speed. which, right now, isn’t you. So either speed up or experience the wrath of your peers. And guard your dunkin donuts latte.

Only on really special days do I wake up in enough time
to take this walk to work... thank you, Hell's Kitchen, for
not being Times Square at 8:30am.

Like, if you think walking through Grapevine Mills on Black Friday is rough (which it is), THAT is what it's like to walk through Port Authority traffic on 42nd street (and 41st. and 40th.) around 9am in the morning. The other day, Rachel was talking about having this intense "New York moment" when the "pedestrian walk" sign came on & she looked up to see a FLOOD of humans walking towards her...& I immediately knew the exact intersection she was talking about. 42nd & 8th St. And it is an ARMY of people. The intersection is a flipping BATTLEFIELD, & it shocks me every time. And I get to experience this shock at about 6:05pm every day. I should really try to get a picture someday, but for now...

hai, Port Authority (absolutely, positively not an exaggeration)

Now for the metaphor…

Well, we soon realized that the sidewalk is a near-perfect microcosm of the possible-to-get-swept-up-in New York City mentality. You get so caught up in this “me, me, me” mindset, that it begins to manifest itself in the way you carry yourself, the way you “climb the ladder,” and the way you interact with others. You sort of act first & maybe realize the implications of your rash actions later. You set your sights so narrowly on the unmarked trail you’re approaching that you really don’t think about the trail you’re leaving behind you. And honestly… that’s kind of the one that matters, isn’t it? So even after only a month & a half, we’ve had to check ourselves. We have to remind ourselves that that’s not actually normal behavior, and – as my mom always quotes my grandma Alpoo as saying, “Just remember that you’re no better than anybody else!” Everyone has a right to the same things as you…so try to act like you believe that’s actually true.

Anyway.

As revolutionary as that comparison was to me, I hope it still even registers with non-New Yorkers.

But if you're looking for a laugh & some potentially super credible information, you should read this little "How to NOT look like a New Yorker" blog post. My sis showed me this A Cup of Jo blog, & it's precious & awesome. And anyway, that article is hilarious & TRUE. Especially the last part about the non-faux pas. I practically introduce myself as "hi my name is kelsey, i like a good chick flick here and there, & my monthly rent payment is _____."

but i digress.

Well, I still have tons to update on (among them: finally deciding on a home church (!!!!), joining a new community group & going home for flipping Baylor Homecoming!), but I suppose that'll be another day, another blog post. Sorry these past couple have been so wordy!! I just have so many thoughts! 

Alekza & I just decided that what I need isn't a blog. It's a magazine column. That gets sent exclusively to my mom & a few other programmed-to-love-me individuals. But, a girl can dream, you know? ;)

Til next time, here's a big apple: