Sidewalks: A Metaphor

[nyc streets after new year's eve]

So, the other day, we were discussing the sidewalk & thought of some interesting things... 
I shall preface this with a story: 

When Rachel & I were walking one day, I was talking about this disturbing thing that happened to me at a crosswalk on 42nd St. - a woman was crossing in front of a car that was JUST SO VERY ENTITLED TO TURN LEFT, so naturally he rolls down his window & starts cussing her out - because, you know, he has that right as a horrible human being. (Or - to quote an American classic - as Tom Hanks says in response to Meg Ryan's apology in You've Got Mail, "Whereas I am a horrible person...therefore I have no choice but to be horrible. That's what you're saying.") Well, apparently, that just must be true. So anyway, as he's yelling at this woman, a couple men walk up & start cussing HIM out, so as the natural course of events, this man pulls over in the middle of Times Square & gets out of his car. Well, at this point (in light of a recent Times Square shooting - oh yes, look it up. Our neighborhood news oft makes national headlines.) I decided to run like the wind. So who knows what happened next. But that did not show up on the news, so I can only assume the following interaction was extremely warm and congenial. 

So anyway, Rachel & I began to wonder if anyone has ever done a study on an individual's anger management pre-NYC living & then about 18 months later. While I was unable to find any of these statistics online, I did discover a convenient number of "Anger Management" courses offered in NYC for every age group...so if that's something that interests you, I can direct you to a corresponding Google search ("NYC anger statistics" or "NYC behavior statistics" to name a few).

Although this girl was able to manage her emotions quite
well...i mean, getting her hair stuck in the door of a moving
subway & all. even maintained enough composure to take a selfie.

But later we were discussing this with Patrick, I believe, and realized that the sidewalk was kind of a perfect microcosm of life (for most) in NYC. So essentially, this is what was discussed:

In real and not metaphorical terms, I’d say by about week 3 (who am I kidding…by the end of week 1, if we’re being real) of walking the sidewalks of New York, you kind of get into a rhythm. And the rhythm in its most basic form is mean. It’s just flat out mean. On a more restrained scale, you begin to weave through the 6 inch space between tourists – no matter how alarmed they always are; you walk in the bike lane; you realize that when the “no walking hand” for pedestrians stops blinking, you still have an entire yellow light of time to keep walking; and, most overwhelmingly, you develop an intense spirit of entitlement – of which you are not actually entitled. So, for example, if you turn the corner suddenly and run into a tourist who is simply standing on said corner, you might excessively sigh…but then later realize, why shouldn’t they stand there? They’re holding a map, they’re sad, they’re confused, maybe you should’ve stopped & given them directions. But instead…you sneered. And your sneer - though gratifying - was not technically justifiable.

Also, there’s this concept of merging. You know, like, when you’re merging onto a freeway in an actual car? This principle is SO RELEVANT in sidewalk protocol. When you walk out of the local deli, you better watch for oncoming traffic, and you better speed into an open space. If you merely start walking with the mindset “well, this is a free sidewalk,” you’re wrong. This isn’t a free sidewalk. It is actually owned by everyone else walking the proper speed. which, right now, isn’t you. So either speed up or experience the wrath of your peers. And guard your dunkin donuts latte.

Only on really special days do I wake up in enough time
to take this walk to work... thank you, Hell's Kitchen, for
not being Times Square at 8:30am.

Like, if you think walking through Grapevine Mills on Black Friday is rough (which it is), THAT is what it's like to walk through Port Authority traffic on 42nd street (and 41st. and 40th.) around 9am in the morning. The other day, Rachel was talking about having this intense "New York moment" when the "pedestrian walk" sign came on & she looked up to see a FLOOD of humans walking towards her...& I immediately knew the exact intersection she was talking about. 42nd & 8th St. And it is an ARMY of people. The intersection is a flipping BATTLEFIELD, & it shocks me every time. And I get to experience this shock at about 6:05pm every day. I should really try to get a picture someday, but for now...

hai, Port Authority (absolutely, positively not an exaggeration)

Now for the metaphor…

Well, we soon realized that the sidewalk is a near-perfect microcosm of the possible-to-get-swept-up-in New York City mentality. You get so caught up in this “me, me, me” mindset, that it begins to manifest itself in the way you carry yourself, the way you “climb the ladder,” and the way you interact with others. You sort of act first & maybe realize the implications of your rash actions later. You set your sights so narrowly on the unmarked trail you’re approaching that you really don’t think about the trail you’re leaving behind you. And honestly… that’s kind of the one that matters, isn’t it? So even after only a month & a half, we’ve had to check ourselves. We have to remind ourselves that that’s not actually normal behavior, and – as my mom always quotes my grandma Alpoo as saying, “Just remember that you’re no better than anybody else!” Everyone has a right to the same things as you…so try to act like you believe that’s actually true.

Anyway.

As revolutionary as that comparison was to me, I hope it still even registers with non-New Yorkers.

But if you're looking for a laugh & some potentially super credible information, you should read this little "How to NOT look like a New Yorker" blog post. My sis showed me this A Cup of Jo blog, & it's precious & awesome. And anyway, that article is hilarious & TRUE. Especially the last part about the non-faux pas. I practically introduce myself as "hi my name is kelsey, i like a good chick flick here and there, & my monthly rent payment is _____."

but i digress.

Well, I still have tons to update on (among them: finally deciding on a home church (!!!!), joining a new community group & going home for flipping Baylor Homecoming!), but I suppose that'll be another day, another blog post. Sorry these past couple have been so wordy!! I just have so many thoughts! 

Alekza & I just decided that what I need isn't a blog. It's a magazine column. That gets sent exclusively to my mom & a few other programmed-to-love-me individuals. But, a girl can dream, you know? ;)

Til next time, here's a big apple:

Leading lady of your own life!

So, I wrote this blog post a couple weeks before my big move & for some reason I never got around to posting it. But I thought it held some valid truths, so I decided I'd post it before it's too late! [P.s. Recap of Hillsong Conference at the end of the post :]

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The Holiday is one of my favorite movies (yeah, yeah), and one of my favorite quotes from that movie is as follows:

Arthur: "Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies & we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

Iris: "You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life! ... Brutal, but brilliant."

I feel like Fanny Brice could level with me on this one.
... And having Fanny in your corner ain't such a bad thing.

And so it is! I've been getting a little discouraged lately, about a lot of things really - spreading over a vast range of subjects from jobs to relationships to God to money to friendships - and everything in between. (Covers just about everything but food. Thank you, food, for being so simple.) I often find myself being sympathetic to the point of weariness and trying so hard to meet people where they are when it comes to their successes and failures that I tend to feel lost about where I stand in mine. Do not for a minute think I'm patting myself on the back - with every good trait comes its handful of repercussions. But the good news in all this (and in reality, life isn't so bad ;) is that none of this discouragement is in the same ballpark as my upcoming life-change-of-a-move. The Lord has given me total peace & confidence in this direction, and that, my friends, is a security that I am so thankful for.

(And also, being seen as the "best friend" isn't all bad...I mean, I just might be the world's best third-wheeler, so there's that...if you're in the market for one or something...)

I guess what I'm getting at here is that we all need to take the reins back on our lives every once in a while. I'm so excited for this new chapter because it is an opportunity to actually re-write myself (cue Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten?) and position myself as leading lady of my own life! Not that I have much re-writing I want to do anyway, but starting fresh is such a neat chance to be the person I've been hoping to develop into. I guess we'll see how it goes, huh, blogging peeps?

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Kinda funny to be standing on the other side of this "big move" now & to see how much I've already jumped into this "rewriting" even just weeks after I wrote ^ that post. Also, I decided instead of writing a full out "hillsong conference" post, I'll just mix in some of the incredible things I learned with blog posts to come! It would be near impossible to ever give you even a glimpse of the life-changing, life-giving things we learned/heard/experienced last weekend. (To give you an idea... I took 24 pages of notes. YES, I take notes like a fiend, but still, 24?!?) The Lord has truly blessed people like Brian Houston, Bobbie Houston, Christine Caine & Carl Lentz with the GIFT of teaching His Word, & their words shattered & rebuilt my perspective from the ground up. 

(P.s. Like seriously, check out this article about HillsongNYC's pastor Carl Lentz. I'm telling you, this incredibly cool, fiercely passionate guy could start a revolution up in hurr.)

(P.p.s. if you want an incredible recap of the first night of the conference, check out my friend/roomie Rachel's blog: http://whereshewillstop.blogspot.com/)

ALSO -- the tickets were FREE! Thanks to the amazing, wonderful Mr. Jay & Mrs. Carolyn Franks. They treated us to the conference, to awesome meals & the irreplaceable feeling of being with "mom & dad" figures for a whole weekend :) So generous! The amazing Faith Christian School family never stops blessin' me. 

I know Rachel mentioned this in her blog, but gosh...there was nothing quite like walking back into Radio City Hall after attending the Tony Awards in June - which was one of the best days of our life - and walking back into this place as a fellowship of believers. I mean, chills. I can't even quite explain what that juxtaposition did to me. And Rachel. The stage was the same, but the glory being proclaimed from it was so dynamically different, and it was wild. These worship leaders & God-seekers were standing where our theatre role models had stood, and they were bringing God's presence to that stage. And you know the coolest part? Those actors & actresses will stand there again. Having no idea that the spirit of the Lord is in this place! 

And anyway, I'm not a crier, but man, last weekend...the tears came & the tears came often. It was like the Lord was literally staring us in the face saying, "See these two different sides of your life? These things are going to collide! And you're gonna be there!" So we're ready for that day! And no matter what the context or circumstances are, we pray that God's name be glorified! 

So I'll leave you with this--

Bobbie Houston (powerhouse/wife of Hillsong's lead pastor, Brian Houston) spoke about how we must be faithful where we are until "Thy Kingdom Come" & she shared this verse:

Psalm 57:7-9 | I kinda mixed together The Message & NIV versions. :)

"I'm ready, God, so ready, ready from head to toe; Ready to sing, ready to raise a tune: 'Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn.' I'm thanking you, God, out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness."

And as Bobbie said:

"Who knows if we might be 

that generation to awaken the dawn?"

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THE ONE ABOUT MY JOB.

^ Made that the title to force myself not to waste your time any further.

no, ya goof, i'm not sunburned! i'm just
wearin' my orange raincoat! #jcpenneys
(this was on my way to my 1st day of work!)

i have a job!
(that calls for the big font)

[Also, if you don't read it all, at least get to the end! There's some meaty stuff there.]

So the Lord is incredibly faithful & even though I know that so fully, He continues to keep blowing me away with more faithfulness. So as I kind of mentioned a couple posts ago, as of June/July/August, I began applying for NY jobs from TX. Tricky task. I applied to dozens of companies with journalism-related job openings, and blindly emailed out my resume to about 2 dozen more. (Which I totally do not regret - the act of seeking out companies that do the kind of editorial work that I find to be so cool caused me to expand my knowledge about some of the amazing companies & organizations out there. And I kind of wish I could work for all of them!!) But anyway, I literally didn't hear from any of them. Except one. And it was a rejection. Gotta be honest - I appreciated that rejection, ha! I was like, okay thank you for being considerate enough to allow me to check you off my list!

an insta from this summer - this looked like
my morning almost everyday! #jobgrind

But needless to say, around mid-August, I was feeling pretty confused & a little panicked. Up until that point, I had huge hopes that the Lord was going to plop the perfect part-time/freelance copyediting position in my lap that would allow me to make my own hours & audition all the while. IS THAT ASKING TOO MUCH? ;) But anyway, somehow I still never had any doubts that this was truly where the Lord wanted me to be, so I kept moving forward. I eventually came to terms with the fact that I'd start applying for some fams with nannying needs & find a schedule that would allow for auditions. And truly, for actors in NYC, that is not a bad plan anyway! And in addition to nannying, I always hear actors saying that if you're really good at something, you should teach it. There is almost no better job for an actor than getting paid on their own schedule to teach dance/swimming/voice/math, you name it! So that was looking like a viable option.

By the time I moved here, I had joined Sittercity.com, Care.com, & a few other nannying sites. I had already started to chat with a few moms, and I was getting kind of excited! But then, the day of my second audition, Rachel & I were headed back to the Actors' Equity building when I got a call.

it was a blocked number.

(haha I know that wasn't dramatic enough for a font change...but whatever, it's my blog ;) But for real, it was a blocked number. I answered hoping it had something to do with the audition, but instead, it was a guy named Tom. Tom is the most relaxed phone-talker I have ever encountered. I, on the other hand, am always StResSiN' on the phone. (I always say I'll know the guy I'm supposed to marry when I actually enjoy phone calls with that person. I'll let you know when that happens.) Anyway, long story short, Tom works for a sports company called PSP (Professional Sports Publications), and I had apparently applied for a part-time position earlier that summer...Truth be told, I don't even remember that! When he said "PSP," I embarrassingly had to respond with, "Umm...who?" So anyway, he said they had a position they'd like to interview me for, but one problem: it was full-time. Had I wanted a full-time job, my job search would've looked totally different. But nonetheless, Tom convinced me to come in for an interview, and BONUS - it was in the previously mentioned Oliver-audition-building...so it was only 7 blocks from my place!

So basically, the interview was great, and Tom totally helped me make my decision. He noticed my BFA & asked if I moved to NYC for theatre. I told him I wanted to be completely honest with him (I figured since I didn't even seek this job out, I really had nothing to lose!) & that theatre was my ultimate passion. But I also told him that I also had a passion for writing & copyediting & would be thrilled to make a living doing those things. (And I meant it! ... Still do!) Well, Tom is awesome, & he told me that he used to work for Playbill.com, so he totally understood my love for theatre. He also said that since my position would be paid hourly, if I wanted to attend an audition every once in awhile, "we might be able to work something out." Is the Lord awesome or IS THE LORD AWESOME?

^^ Heard that! After my interview, I called my mom (always my first step after any major life moment;) and I knew my decision was already made. It was so obvious that this job was straight from the Lord that I almost just had to laugh. Usually, I am one to strive & stress over big decisions (or even what I'm going to eat for lunch), but this one was so easy. I simply told my mom, "Well, he said he would let me know by next week. But I'm pretty sure I just found my new job." Haha! He was nice enough to give me the weekend to think it over, & I emailed him the very next day! He gave me a call on Tuesday offering me the job, & just like that... Tom was my new boss! (If you're reading this then heeyyyy Tommmm!) My favorite part of that phone call: Tom asked if I had any more questions, I asked about the dress code, he said: "I mean...just don't wear shorts..." And then I asked him if there was anything else I needed to know, and he said: "Well, you might want to bring your own water bottle. We don't have a very good water system here!" Haha, to which I replied: "Ooohhh, good to know..." Needless to say, Tom is awesome, and I feel so lucky to have been blessed with such a gracious, understanding "first real boss"! (Thanks, Tom!) And my work environment is more relaxed & stress-free than I ever thought was possible...just what I needed!

So anyway,

i have a job!

The best sidewalk pic I could get on my
first day as an emplooyyeeddd lady! 

But real talk, it is so crazy to look back on even just these past 4 weeks & realize how much I don't know. Every time I try to plan my own future, the Lord is so quick to remind me how funny it is that I try to make my own plans. But He doesn't do it in a "I'm the Creator of the universe, so I can rip the rug out from under you" kind of way... He always directs my steps in the sweetest, most gracious way that is so specific to the needs of my heart that I didn't even know I had. Now that I am 3 weeks deep in my job, I realize more & more how my plans could not have worked any other way. I needed this job, & how silly of me to think it could've been any other way! The Lord always knows what we need, and sometimes it hurts & sometimes it takes awhile to realize it was what we needed...but sometimes the Lord allows you to realize it sooner rather than later, and for that I am thankful. 

okay, but what is your job?

Haha, sorry. I work for Professional Sports Publications as a copyeditor. They create several football/basketball/baseball/hockey publications & magazines, and are mainly in charge of creating the thick programs that you get at several college & professional sports games & bowl games. During football season, the flood of work gets pretty crazy, so they hire someone as a copyeditor (me!) to cover all of the overarching proofreading, copywriting, small design tasks, etc. So basically, I am learning a ton! It is a great first job where journalism is concerned! Because I'm here mainly for football season, my position typically ends around January-February - which is when heavy auditioning season begins! I say it again - IS GOD FAITHFUL? ("Yeah! Totally, Kelsey! Amen!")

So 7 days later, I walked to 36th street, went up to the 25th floor, & started my job! As much as my dad tries to convince me that I inherited his common sense, I am well aware that this is just not the case. So luckily for me, Tom & all my co-workers have been so gracious in teaching me all that I need to know, and helping me realize that this job will be the perfect foundational job for (hopefully) future jobs in this same field! (But for real... I am so hesitant to do anything wrong in this job that I couldn't even allow myself to take a lunch break for 2 whole days. It felt like too much freedom!)

Lunch: day 1. This is not a joke. #clifbar

^ Literally never left my desk that day til 6pm. Yes...I am actually that pathetic. I could laugh out loud thinking about some of the things Tom has had to teach me. To name a few: "Kelsey, you don't have to take 15-minute lunch breaks. You get a full hour, & I can't take that away from you." Or the time that I came in just to let him know I was taking a lunch break... Tom: "Oh...okay. Yeah, you know, you don't have to let me know! But thanks for checking in!" Haha poor guy...sorry, Tom! But I'd like to think I've done a few things right, and it feels pretty good to be in a job where I feel like I truly know what I'm doing, and in fact, I feel like, heck! I'm actually pretty good at it! 

It's also funny because I would always tell my mom that even though I am desperately passionate about having a life in the theatre industry (& I still am. Don't get me wrong. And I know I'll get there.) there was always something SO APPEALING to me about working a 9-5 (or 9-6) office job. This summer, I was even with my old roomie & great pal Ann Simmons (who is currently "special assistant to President Ken Starr" what upppp! talk about a 9-5 job, sheesh!) and asked her, "Is it kind of nice to have a job where you're able to have sort of a daily routine?" Well, Ann's answer was a little muddy hahaha but nonetheless, I suppose God was listening to my plea.

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So what about theatre?

I know, I know... I guess that was my biggest question in all this: How can I commit to something that keeps me from theatre? And even though it's confusing, I know it's one of those questions I'll understand really soon, so somehow, I'm not even worried about it. Before moving here, a few theatre friends and I would always talk about how we kind of know there has to be a struggle before you can feel like you deserve the prize. I mean, I realize there are exceptions (ehem, Laura Osnes. ehem, Corey Cott) and that's amazing! But in this weird, potentially silly way, I'm kind of excited that I'm already getting to work for it. Because the sooner I can work for it, the sooner I can feel like maybe I deserve it, and then maybe just maybe my time will come. At this point, I've done nothing to earn a place here in the "Great White Way," but starting 3 weeks ago, I began the plunge, & I'm gonna work my tail off until that time comes or until God chooses to lead me to another adventure! And I cannot wait to talk about this weekend's Hillsong Conference because there could not have been a more impactive affirmation from the Lord. I am so passionate about the work God is doing in this city & the revolution that has begun here, and even though my heart longs to bring that breakthrough into the theatre industry, I am just excited beyond belief to be involved in God's work here in any capacity. God has lit a fire in me for His purpose in this city, and I think it might be a while before it burns out. I know big things are coming. And I know I've got to start with being faithful right where I am!  

So, anyway, there's that. Thanks for hanging in there. Basically, I'm loving my job so far, and I feel really blessed. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I really, really, really am. (Alekza literally just said out loud, #mycuprunnethover - "hashtag" included - read my mind, sister.) She also just said, "God is so abundant. It's like He's showing off. Like, 'dream a little bigger, sista!'"

I'm tellin' ya - we. feel. blessed.

This is just us...feelin' blessed...
(wanted to break up the monotony with some pics;)

Hope you feel thoroughly caught up by this point, & thanks for sticking with me!

Your newly employed New Yorker (or as my co-workers would say: "new yohr-kah"),
Kelsey